Selasa, 12 Agustus 2014

Fever's End

Part 1
Home (feat. Lee So-ra) (집)
Bad (feat. Jin-shil) (나쁘다)
Airbag (feat. Naul)
The Tide (scratch by DJ Fritz) (밀물)
From the Bottom (feat. Bumkey) (밑바닥에서)

Home
When I step past my door frame, I get dizzy. Because it’s the border to my comfort zone. The useless emotions that dirty my heart is covered with dust. If I get out of here, there’s death. Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness, I threw away my footsteps. I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes. Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me. I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door. Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me. This is my home – leave me alone. Just don’t come in here.

Now I cry without tears. Just like breathing, I cry again.
The sadness that became a home. Though I try to take a step out, I cry at the doorstep.
I cry, without me knowing.

Do I deserve to be happy? Why have I fallen deeply into shallow scars? Anyone may receive showers of arrows in life. But why is the target on my heart so big for me? Emotions run from one end to another
But for a slow-paced me, I fall behind and out of breath. I cannot hold my heart and I lose the world. A few steps more is happiness but.. I raise each step a little more. Anyone can be afraid of this. But to me, it’s more natural than laughter. Crying is easy like breathing – the more you hold it in, your more you let out. Let me breathe – sadness is my home. I want to stay here, in this place. Even if I go out to happiness for a moment. Now I know that I would want to go back.

Now I cry without tears. Just like breathing, I cry again.
The sadness that became a home. Though I try to take a step out, I cry at the doorstep.
I cry, without me knowing.

Inside my sadness that became my home,
Inside my sadness that became my home, can I invite you in?

Now I cry without tears. Just like breathing, I cry again.
The sadness that became a home. Though I try to take a step out, I cry at the doorstep.
I cry, without me knowing.

Bad
Everybody says that something’s different, that I’ve changed. They say, you used to be full of love and care but, since one day, you became cold. Everybody says that something’s different, that I’ve changed. They say, you used to be full of love and care but, since one day, you became cold, they don’t get it. You used to smile a lot, but your eyes, face, the way you speak, it all became dark and scary. Is it because of the memory that I want to kill? I erase myself from my heart. Cause a kind heart is useless. It’s a flaw in this world. So I guess I want to become worse and worse. Like the saying, lovers resemble each other. I guess this is my way to become like you.

Bad, love is so bad. It became the reason to breathe. But now you block my breath.

Love is so bad bad bad bad bad. I guess the more you get to know about love, you only become worse.
Love is so bad bad bad bad bad. When you get to know love, your heart aches.

You become worse as much as you know. I get angry easily when I used to not. I’m not myself. But I say, ‘what is like me?’ while I know it so well. I don’t see myself clearly. I get embraced in the dark. Even with my eyes closed, I can’t sleep comfortably. I wander all night, even one shot I couldn’t drink but now I crave alcohol. Anxiously as I stumble on the rainy streets, I pick fights. My lips that used to whisper only good words, now only swears whenever I breathe. I don’t pass by before the ember becomes a fire. I habitually lie and I harass love with the name of love.

Bad, people are so bad. You became the reason why I open my eyes. But now you block my sight.

Love is so bad bad bad bad bad. I guess the more you get to know about love, you only become worse.
Love is so bad bad bad bad bad. When you get to know love, your heart aches.

The worse thing than you, who is bad. Is that I can’t get over you, who is bad.
I break apart and become worse. I become worse to other people.

Bad, so bad, it hurts, it hurts so much, what we call love.
Love is a sickness. Can I get a witness?
Love is a sickness. Can I get a witness?

Love is so bad bad bad bad bad. I guess the more you get to know about love, you only become worse.
Love is so bad bad bad bad bad. When you get to know love, your heart aches.

Airbag
I need an airbag before I crash into the colossal sadness that is coming my way. 

On nights I don’t want to go home, the taxi driver will purposely avoid the fastest paths. The chatty DJ on the radio won’t bring in guests that make me laugh or turn on songs that make me smile, conversations just get longer. I’d normally not want to listen to it and ask for the channel to be changed, but I don’t have a song in particular I want to listen to either. Keep talking and drown out the thoughts in my head. People laugh at words I can’t understand, and seeing as how the taxi driver, who normally has an expressionless face, is laughing along, it must be a popular punch line. Maybe I’m the only lonely island. In the end, a song requested by a listener is introduced. It’s a sad song that I once loved. Is that person alone, too, at a place where a long day falls into slumber? 

I need an airbag before I crash into the colossal sadness that is coming my way. 
I need an airbag. It’s too late to avoid it. 

I have so many things I need to take care of; it’s hard for me to get drunk anymore. But it’s not like I’m avoiding the drinks, maybe it’s because I don’t want to be left alone. Is it just because I want to catch someone’s attention by being alone? Loneliness is so definite to me. If someone was to be by my side, would there be enough of me to share? It’s a question mark I don’t want to include. At that moment, I hear a voice through his call. The promise to meet up for drinks must have been canceled. He hangs up and grumbles, and my gaze becomes fixed to the family picture sloppily hanging by the meter. Do people lose themselves because they don’t have a home or a path to walk down? Or is it because even though they have many places to go, there is not one person waiting for them there? 

I guess I’m all alone again.
I guess I’m all alone again.
I guess I’m all alone again.
Once again.

I’m dangerous right now.
I’m dangerous right now.
Don’t come to me.

I don’t know when it began to fall, but I look out the window and see the rain fall collect into puddles on the streets. Over the puddles, I see the reflection of an electronic display alerting drivers of a car accident. Why, why at this moment, do I suddenly tear as I’m reminded of you, you who’s probably living happily… Next to the term ‘death’ is the number one… Why does that number look so lonely. 

It’s a night where I miss you dearly, and my heart slips with the rain.
I need you, yes I need you, my airbag.

The Tide
You, facing danger. Everything is floating away.
Resisting the water. When the world is an aquarium.

At some point you turn twenty. Avoiding the fish hook.
Breathing a breath of relief. When the world is a net.

Swim, swim, swim away. My dreams dive into you and drown.
Swim, swim, swim away. My life dives into you and drown.

Crossing every line. Emphasizing being upright. Telling others to be straight when you’re crooked. Trying to run. When you’re surrounded by walls. You try to place those bricks. When you are a star. Because of the useless requests of the adults, you become a shooting star. The hand that gave you the shovel points fingers at you. And tells you that you dug your own grave.

Swim, swim, swim away. My dreams dive into you and drown.
Swim, swim, swim away. My life dives into you and drown.

You, facing danger. Everything is floating away.
Resisting the water. When the world is an aquarium.

At some point you turn twenty. Avoiding the fish hook.
Breathing a breath of relief. When the world is a net.

You, facing danger. Everything is floating away.
Resisting the water. When the world is an aquarium.

At some point you turn twenty. Avoiding the fish hook.
Breathing a breath of relief. When the world is a net.

Swim, swim, swim away. My dreams dive into you and drown.
Swim, swim, swim away. My life dives into you and drown.

Drown and die.

From The Bottom
Oh, even if all the tears of the world are welled up in my small eyes.
I wish I could shed your tears as well.

You just had to meet me when I was at rock bottom. Whenever you smile, my heart aches. To me, everything is guilt. Is that a half-smile? Is that a smile that did not fully bloom because it doesn’t know a different world? You say you’re alright but I guess I can only give you the state of being alright. Because I hated to show you this small and embarrassing empty hand. Like a fool, I make your extended hand, an empty hand too. Earlier, maybe later – why couldn’t we have met when there was good news? You could’ve rested under the sunlight in a green forest. But you, who walks with me in the rain under my rain cloud. My love, an unfortunate person. This isn’t how my heart is. I didn’t become your better half in hope that you’d take half of my unhappiness.

Oh, even if all the tears of the world are welled up in my small eyes.
I wish I could shed your tears as well.

You just had to meet me when I was at rock bottom. The sound of your cries make my heart ache, to me. Even though I want to comfort you, I’m exhausted and my face grows dark. I can’t make you laugh and I put you to bed, who passed out from crying. My stopped two hands are your watch. What has crumbled is not mine but your future. But why is it when I see you are different when you wake up. I think of my own reality that hasn’t grown a single inch. I’m sorry – even if I say it thousands of times, I’m sorry again. That this small room and this low ceiling is the sky. That I am your umbrella and the rain.

Goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight
Good morning

Oh, even if all the tears of the world are welled up in my small eyes.
I wish I could shed your tears as well.

Baby I’ll try. Someday, I will be happiness to you.
Try. Someday, I’ll be the best for you.
Try. Today, it’s just words but girl I’ll try.
Baby I’ll try. Someday, I’ll give the whole world to you.
Try. If I can’t, I’ll change the world for you.
Try. Today, it’s just words but girl I’ll try.

Part 2
Tomorrow (feat. Taeyang)
The Source (scratch by DJ Tukutz) (출처)
Dear TV / 해열
Thankful Breath (feat. Yankee + Bong Tae-kyu) (고마운 숨)
Expiration Date (유통기한)

Tomorrow
No, no, no, no more tomorrow.

Receiving love doesn’t mean you have it. Covering time doesn’t mean it passes.
Breathing doesn’t mean you live. Doesn’t mean.

Baby there’s no, no tomorrow. I’m stopped still from that time, that place.
It’s the last, lingering moment. Although for you, it was just a passing day.

Baby there’s no, no, no, no more tomorrow. Till you come back, everyday is yesterday.

The memories that ripped apart my heart rip the days of the calendar and fades away like the end of the year. I live as I pretend to forget you – my world still hasn’t changed – you’re still not there. People all say that if you look back, you will laugh. Even though I have a hard time turning my head that used to face you. I don’t want to hear it but why do they keep blabbering? I’m lingering here. Don’t say that the sun will rise tomorrow. Because it will be a darker morning than a night with you. Don’t say that the ground hardens after the rain. Because it will be a relief that is more frustrating than our worries. Everything is a mess – it’s springtime again for you but seasons don’t change for me. Even though you say my heart will bloom again, I’ve got no tomorrow.

Baby there’s no, no tomorrow. I’m stopped still from that time, that place.
It’s the last, lingering moment. Although for you, it was just a passing day.

Baby there’s no, no, no, no more tomorrow. Till you come back, everyday is yesterday.

My insides are empty and my smile is dead. But you say that I look better than when I was with you. You say that you can let out a sigh of relief now. But I’m running out of breath – the smile doesn’t deceive only me. I did become normal – my heart became burdensome so I emptied it out a lot. I’m really going crazy – please stop saying words of comfort that I can’t hear. Don’t say that you can forget love by having a different love. Because it will be a lonelier meet than separation. Don’t say that time heals all. Because each moment will be like death for me.

Yes, receiving love doesn’t mean you have it. Covering time doesn’t mean it passes.
Breathing doesn’t mean you live. Now I know.

No, no more tomorrow. Till you come back.

Baby there’s no, no tomorrow. I’m stopped still from that time, that place.
It’s the last, lingering moment. Although for you, it was just a passing day.

Baby there’s no, no, no, no more tomorrow.
Till you come back, everyday is yesterday.

The Source
A cup of coffee, it comes from poverty. The small hands that should reach out for dreams while holding a paper plane or a pencil are actually filled with coffee-flavored sweat. Handdrip. Thank you, little barista. I say this reality hurts my heart. But I need caffeine so go ahead and add another shot. It’s a circulatory system of an evil cycle. My consumption is a leech. A person’s poverty becomes another person’s luxury. The people who made the shoes that I wear far away. Probably are barefoot at the moment. Even the warmth that wraps my body. Its origin is a pit full of blood and bones as well. To make myself look like I’ve got some. It makes people who have nothing shed tears. Everyone says it’s better not to know. It’s because awareness became a sickness in this world.

Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Tell me.
Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Represent where you’re from.

All of a sudden gasoline became holy water. And wars that are greedy of energy sources. Chemistry, a brighter problem than the blood diamond. But it’s more of a trivial problem than gas price. Because cars bring people to work. For a child who walks, someone crawl in the battlefield. The origin is fear, and in the aftermath system. We dig the ground and raise a flag, which is crooked. But I need technology. Please build me one more factory please. To me, it doesn’t matter if the roots, trees and forests rot. If only there’s an apple on the branch, then it’s holy garden. To get ahead of the game, steps are made but the cliff is right behind. Everyone says time is the remedy. It’s because the present time is a sickness in this world.

Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Tell me.
Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Represent where you’re from.

To all the people who are uncomfortable because I’m comfortable. Thank you and I’m sorry.
To all the people who are breathless because I breathe. Thank you and I’m sorry.
To all the people who collapsed because I’m standing. Thank you and I’m sorry.
To all the origin people of this world.Thank you, thank you.

Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Tell me.
Origin, If beauty comes from ugliness, is it beauty? Represent where you’re from.
Origin, represent where you’re from.

Dear TV
Dear TV, desensitize me. Give me more genocide please.
The world is your aphrodisiac so you stay turned on.
Every minute, every second I breathe.
You weaponize greed, kill me with incessant I needs.
Got me checkin' out those and checkin' out these.
Mainstream me, disinfecting my breed.
I'm looking for nirvana but you Geffenize me.
Point me to the skies till heaven's eye bleeds.
Anoint me with your lies then divinize me.
If heaven is a show, well, televise me.
But I won't lie my way in, no fakin' IDs.
I'll die standing. Try breaking my knees.
I'll do a handstand like I'm breakin'. Now freeze.
Don't act like you know me ‘cause you recognize me.
You sell my record not me.

Thankful Breath
Even if it’s a sigh, I’m thankful of my breath. Even on sleepless nights, the welcoming pillow. The applause that used to make me dream, is past. Now I become mesmerized with my daughter’s applause. I can’t say that I have lost everything. Because even after losing 99, I still find little things impressive. I’m smiling. To me, the words, “I wanna die”. No, let it be. The things that makes me breathe is the calm rain. The sweet time wasting with friends. Red flowers, blue flowers, the cloud flowers in early mornings. Plenty of laughter flowers in the garden called, love. Bloom, my heart’s rest. The wind of Jejudo, the night lights in Seoul. Epic High’s music that I hear in the streets while walking. The eyes of my wife and my baby.

Can I stop suffering now? Can I stop fearing now? Can I laugh just as much as I cried?
Get up and stand up.

When I opened my fist, a handshake was welcoming me. When people’s applause was welcoming me as I opened my closed heart. The wrinkles in my forehead disappear. And the sky is full of smiles. Exciting the smiley glands. I swallow a mouthful of happiness. Let it go, little boy, I let it go, ma. The hopes that I wanted to grab with both of hands. I had too much hope and dreams in me. It was so high where I couldn’t reach. But I don’t wanna lose it. The closed heart is so narrow, unable to contain. It will break because of too much force. You don’t wanna see, I was ashamed. For a minute, it’ll be just a minute. Everybody makes mistakes and misunderstands. Get your mind right, go straight, balance yourself. And first, go find your love that you have lost then. Second, find your dream, throw and gain back your confidence. Third, to my friend who helped me out a lot.
Here I go..

Can I stop suffering now? Can I stop fearing now? Can I laugh just as much as I cried?
Get up and stand up.

Being normal is good enough for me. I’m curious of the soap opera’s ending that I usually didn’t want to know. It was uncomfortable to even listen to music but. The artists that I like keep releasing albums. By watching comedy shows that I didn’t want to be in. I regained the feeling of laughing that I completely forgot. Thank you to all the people in the TV screen.

There are still many empty notebooks that I need to fill.
There are many hyung and dongsaeng that I need to take care of.
There are still many questions that I haven’t asked.
And many answers that I haven’t received.

Can I stop suffering now? Can I stop fearing now? Can I laugh just as much as I cried?
Get up and stand up.

Expiration Date
Even if I look at the clock. I don’t have time, goodbye now.
Even if I look at the calendar. I don’t have any memories now.

I’m afraid I’ll be a book that no one reads. Music that no one listens to anymore.
I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater.
Even if I look at the phone. I don’t have any relationships now.
Even if I look into the mirror. In there, there’s no confidence now.

trans taken from pop!gasa and btypelife.tumblr.com (airbag)
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Ya ini emang udah bapuk banget ya tapi gue baru dengerin gini hari. Yaudah banget. Fav tracks ada Thankful Breath, Dear TV sama Airbag. Duh banget telatnya telat banget. (Beberapa trans juga masih kurang ngerti tapi... ya udah lah enak lagunya)