1
I barely know you at first
2
We partnered in the same team for the very first our batch field trip. I remember you, standing tall, handling things ever so calmly. Having an opposite way of working; since I was so panicky—and hurried in doing things. Well, at least we know each other.
3
I remember refusing a new position for me. The one who coordinated the entire program for welcoming the new applicant for our organization. But you, carefully agreed. And so, we began the journey. I remembered having mental breakdown while organizing the event. It’s the first time I cry for an hour straight in front of everyone who attended the meeting. But, we become close anyway.
4
I don’t know. I lost track on how many times I’ve been partnering with you in every kind of occasion in college. Perhaps like three or four; I don’t recall.
5
The big journey. I’m always your dearest and favorite staff around, right? You praised my works, I’ve always admired you—from the very start. We’ve been doing things together. I kinda know you, a little closer.
6
Things escalated quickly. We appointed as the candidates. You need me as your head staff. I said no, convincing you that my father is super-sick, and I need to be the head of my family, had no spare time for this organization. I was so messed up. You frowned; and said that you were no better. But you still trust me anyway, offering yourself as a backup—in the end, I couldn’t say no.
7
Perhaps this is where I started to have different feelings. We grew even closer since 5 happened. We’ve always had a nice conversation for every time we met. Yet I’m not really sure since I know you had someone so dear for yourself. I even know her, not so close to call her best friend but I guess we’re a close one. I thought to myself; you are better not falling; or you will be the one who suffer.
8
I forgot things for a while. The final task is killin’ us. Placed in different region we rarely contact each other.
9
You remember every details. When I cried so hard on 3, when we were doing things in 5, the conversation we had at 7. You even asked the basic necessities I ought to bring each time we explore the woods; an inhaler because I had severe allergy attack at 6 (well I remembered you watching cautiously as I being treated). You noticed the scars on my hand; the one that I get because of accompanying your special one doing research; the new one I got because I was so passed out at nap. You noticed the rash I got after my research. You noticed almost everything that my best-friend does not know for even a bit.
Then the moment.
We sat beside each other for a long bus ride. I keep myself awake just for the sake not sleeping in your shoulder. But then I think, the convos we had make me realized that I’ve been falling for you.
-
"Life has a way of going in circles. Ideally, it would be a straight path forward––we'd always know where we were going, we'd always be able to move on and leave everything else behind. There would be nothing but the present and the future. Instead, we always find ourselves where we started. When we try to move ahead, we end up taking a step back. We carry everything with us, the weight exhausting us until we want to collapse and give up."
"We forget things we try to remember. We remember things we'd rather forget. The most frightening thing about memory is that it leaves no choice. It has mastered an incomprehensible art of forgetting. It erases, it smudges, it fills in blank spaces with details that don't exist."
"But however we remember it––or choose to remember it––the past is the foundation that holds our lives in place. Without its support, we'd have nothing for guidance. We spend so much time focused on what lies ahead, when what has fallen behind is just as important. What defines us isn't where we're going, but where we've been. Although there are places and people we will never see again, and although we move on and let them go, they remain a part of who we are."
"There are things that will never change, things we will carry along with us always. But as we venture into the murky future, we must find our strength by learning to leave things behind."
― Brigid Gorry-Hines
